The Shame Loop: How Negative Core Beliefs Keep You Stuck (and How to Challenge Them)

It’s not just a feeling—it’s a story shaped by belief. You can challenge the ending.

May 09, 2025

Shame is one of the most persistent and painful experiences many people carry. It's often invisible but deeply felt—showing up in relationships, self-esteem, and intimacy. One of the most powerful ways to understand and begin healing this shame is through a framework called The Core Belief Circle. This model helps us break down how deeply held beliefs shape our experience of the world—and, more importantly, recognize if they still make sense for us

Let’s unpack what this circle is, and how it explains the internal chain reaction using body shame as an example.

What Is the Core Belief Circle?

Imagine four concentric circles, like a ripple in water

Each layer builds on the one before it. Here's how it works:

1. Belief: The Foundation of the Shame

At the center of everything is a core belief. This is part of the rulebook you live by—often written without your permission, core beliefs are shaped by childhood, culture, religion, family, trauma and a lot more. In the context of body shame, a common belief might be:

“My body has to look a certain way to be sexually desirable.”

Or more bluntly:

“I am not worthy of love, sex, or desire because of how I look.”

If you’ve grown up being told that a certain type of body, features, skin color, etc. equals beauty, and western society has made beauty equals desirability, worth, lovability, it makes sense that this belief would become your foundation—even if you consciously reject it.

2. Perception: The World Through That Belief

Perception filters how you see everything. Especially, if they’ve been reinforced by society, friends, family, that guy down the street. In this framework, you may recognize Perception as something called “confirmation bias” - the tendency to seek out and prefer information that supports our preexisting beliefs.

If your belief is, “I’m not desirable because I’m not straight sized,” then your perception might become:

“People won’t want to go out with me because of my body.”

This isn’t necessarily true—but perception doesn’t care about truth, it only supports belief. This is why two people can experience the same event—say, not getting a second date—and one shrugs it off, while the other spirals into shame.

3. Impression: Is Often an Unreliable Narrator

Impression is that instinctive reaction you have to situations, people, and yourself. Maybe you’ve experienced it as ‘butterflies',’ rapid heart rate, anxiety, or some other way your mind signals your body that your attention is needed. It’s fast, automatic, and often unconscious. Within this theoretical lens, Impression’s job is to validate the belief and the perception by reminding you of the possible consequences of your belief. If you’re living with the belief that you are unattractive because of your body, and your perception tells you that no one wants people like you, then the impression just reinforces the core belief and becomes:

“That person didn’t flirt back because I’m disgusting.”

This isn’t you being dramatic - this is survival. It’s your brain trying to protect you by interpreting danger where there might be none. This leads directly into the next layer: judgment.

4. Judgment: The Snap Judgments You Don’t Even Notice

Judgments are the stories we tell ourselves based on the information that Perception and Impression gathered. Judgments are an opinion and rarely kind or objective. In this framework, Judgement exists to shield you from harm, embarrassment, and shame. By deciding whether any given situation has a likelihood of becoming hurtful.

In this context, Judgement might sound like:

“There’s no point in dating. No one will ever want me.”

These aren’t fleeting thoughts. They stick. Within this core belief construct, Judgement informs whether you approach that gorgeous morsel at the bookstore, or decide against it. What you decide influences your behavior.

5. Conclusion: How You Act (or Don’t Act)

The conclusion you draw shapes what you do. This is where the original core belief turns into behavior. If you believe you’re not desirable, perceive others as out of reach, expect rejection through your impression, and judge yourself as ineligible —then the conclusion (consequence/action/behavior) might be:

Avoid dating or sensual pleasure - how can I connect with someone when I’m expecting to be rejected?
Saying no to experiences where you might be seen, focused on, or desired - why draw attention to my undesirability?
Disconnecting from your own body - maybe feeling nothing is better than being open to pain?

And the worst part? These actions then reinforce the original belief (see confirmation bias). If you never date, then your brain takes that as proof that you’re undesirable. And the circle repeats. The best way to finally break the cycle is slowly challenging the veracity of that core belief by trying new things, or exposing yourself to new experiences.

Using the Core Belief Circle to Break the Cycle

The Core Belief Circle doesn’t just explain shame—it gives us a way to challenge it.

Step 1: Identify the Core Belief

Ask yourself: What is the core belief? It might be, “I’m not attractive,” or, “I’ll be rejected if someone sees me naked.”

Step 2: Challenge the Perception

Is it factually true that only straight bodies are loved? What examples do you have of people in different bodies being desired, valued, celebrated?

Step 3: Question the Impression

If someone doesn’t return your interest, is it really about your body? Or, could it be timing, chemistry, their own stuff?

Step 4: Reframe the Judgment

Instead of “I knew it! It’s because I’m unattractive!,” try, “That didn’t go the way I wanted, but it doesn’t define my desirability."

Step 5: Change the Consequence

Do the thing. Go on the date. Wear the outfit. Let yourself be seen—even if it’s scary. Especially if it’s scary! By changing the action attached to the core belief you want to challenge, you begin to rewire your brain to see other possibilities your core belief might not have brought to your attention.

Share The Reveal

You are more than the sum of your parts.

Shame thrives in silence, secrecy, and cycles. The Core Belief Circle helps make those cycles visible—and once they’re visible, they can be challenged and broken. You are not your shame. You are not your fears.

Want help unpacking your own Core Belief Circle? Start by identifying one area of your life where you feel stuck or ashamed, and work backwards from the action. You might be surprised by what you find.

Grab your own Core Belief Circle template to try it yourself!